The White House housekeeping staff has been dragged unknowingly into the US-Iran conflict. After having several antique rugs cleaned, the staff was laying the rugs when the trouble began.
One new rug would not unroll. Several housekeeping staff members attempted to assist in the unrolling of the rug, but it could not be unrolled. The staff members enlisted the help of some rather large Secret Service Agents, but alas, the rug would not budge.
A frustrated staffer, upon a more close inspection, discovered that the rug was of Iranian origin.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
New Daily Merde Feature: Polls!
Welcome to the first Daily Merde poll!
DM is interested in what our readers think, or at least we want you to think that we care... so ... please click the link below to begin this week's poll:
If Dick Cheney were Replaced by a Robot, Would Anyone Notice?
(survey will open in a new window).
DM is interested in what our readers think, or at least we want you to think that we care... so ... please click the link below to begin this week's poll:
If Dick Cheney were Replaced by a Robot, Would Anyone Notice?
(survey will open in a new window).
Sunday, March 14, 2010
New Lawsuit for Lohan
Litigation loving, Lindsay Lohan, can add another lawsuit to her current list. But Ms. Lohan isn't the plaintiff in this suit; she is the defendant.
In the newly filed papers, the suit claims that Ms. Lohan has defamed the character and ruined the once good name of her former constant companion, Alcohol.
"Ms. Lohan has drug my client's good name through the mud," said Alfred Booze', the attorney representing Alcohol. "It has gotten to the point where my client can't go out into public and has to stay hidden in seedy bars or cloistered in private homes."
Ms. Lohan's representative declined comment.
In the newly filed papers, the suit claims that Ms. Lohan has defamed the character and ruined the once good name of her former constant companion, Alcohol.
"Ms. Lohan has drug my client's good name through the mud," said Alfred Booze', the attorney representing Alcohol. "It has gotten to the point where my client can't go out into public and has to stay hidden in seedy bars or cloistered in private homes."
Ms. Lohan's representative declined comment.
Friday, March 12, 2010
New Hawaii 5-0 TV Show
Proving, yet again, that the television industry is one of the greenest industries around, another old television show is about to be recycled. The latest show to be revived is the much loved Hawaii 5-0.
When asked, the producers of the latest 5-0 incarnation said, "We have made some big changes to the old show to help modernize it."
When pressed to reveal what modernizations they had in mind the producers let slip, "It's going to be set in New Jersey."
When asked, the producers of the latest 5-0 incarnation said, "We have made some big changes to the old show to help modernize it."
When pressed to reveal what modernizations they had in mind the producers let slip, "It's going to be set in New Jersey."
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Audiophile Tries to Get New Toy
Always on the lookout to find the latest and greatest new audio equipment, Nicole A., was excited when a friend was talking about very high tech and high priced piece of equipment. Nicole asked her friend where she could get this new 'ultra' device; her friend wasn't sure where the item could be purchased but she did know that it was made by GE.
Nicole's excitement only grew when she heard that celebrity Tom Cruise had one. She did some digging and eventually found a distributor.
She didn't quite understand the salesman's hesitancy to sell her the high priced piece of equipment until he spelled it out for her, "It's not a stereo component! It's an ultrasound machine! It's for viewing inside the human body! What a f!%#ing idiot!" and hung up.
Nicole's excitement only grew when she heard that celebrity Tom Cruise had one. She did some digging and eventually found a distributor.
She didn't quite understand the salesman's hesitancy to sell her the high priced piece of equipment until he spelled it out for her, "It's not a stereo component! It's an ultrasound machine! It's for viewing inside the human body! What a f!%#ing idiot!" and hung up.
eHarmony Hopeful Gets A Shock
Marc D., a 45 year old research analyst from El Sobrante, CA, decided he needed more out of life. His quest started with looking for that special someone.
After several false starts with cheap sluts he picked up at bars (luckily that is all he picked up, mused his mother), Marc decided he needed a different approach to find the right woman with which to share his life. Marc had heard good things about eHarmony, granted he heard the good things through their television commercials, and he decided to give it a try.
After taking 6 months to answer questions like 'are you a happy person' -- via multiple choice and waiting another 3 months to be notified that a suitable match had been found, the fateful day finally arrived. He received the email saying that there had been a match.
The girl's name sounded familar, which Marc took as a good sign. After several cheery and interesting emails, the newly matched pair decided to meet.
The hopeful pair were to meet at local coffee shop. Marc got there first and was enjoying his latte when his 'match' walked through the door. It was his first cousin Sophie. The pair had a good laugh about their situation and continued to chat.
Their wedding is in June.
After several false starts with cheap sluts he picked up at bars (luckily that is all he picked up, mused his mother), Marc decided he needed a different approach to find the right woman with which to share his life. Marc had heard good things about eHarmony, granted he heard the good things through their television commercials, and he decided to give it a try.
After taking 6 months to answer questions like 'are you a happy person' -- via multiple choice and waiting another 3 months to be notified that a suitable match had been found, the fateful day finally arrived. He received the email saying that there had been a match.
The girl's name sounded familar, which Marc took as a good sign. After several cheery and interesting emails, the newly matched pair decided to meet.
The hopeful pair were to meet at local coffee shop. Marc got there first and was enjoying his latte when his 'match' walked through the door. It was his first cousin Sophie. The pair had a good laugh about their situation and continued to chat.
Their wedding is in June.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Iran's Ahmadinejad: The Earth is Flat
TEHRAN, Iran – Iran's hard-line and hard-up President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on Saturday called the almost universal belief that the Earth is round a "big lie" used by the infidels of the west to hold the rest of the world hostage to their science.
Ahmadinejad's comments, made during an address to Anti-Intelligence Ministry staff, are adding fuel to a smoldering fire between Tehran and the West. This tension is due to cooties. Ahmadinejad says the West has them and the West denies it.
"For centuries, the western world believed that the Earth was flat, then suddenly, when it benefited their twisted agenda, they changed their minds and said that is round." Ahmadinejad said. "How many innocents have been eaten by the sea monsters that roam the edge waters? How many have fallen off the edge of the earth? We may never know; their propaganda machine hides the truth from us all."
Ahmadinejad's comments, made during an address to Anti-Intelligence Ministry staff, are adding fuel to a smoldering fire between Tehran and the West. This tension is due to cooties. Ahmadinejad says the West has them and the West denies it.
"For centuries, the western world believed that the Earth was flat, then suddenly, when it benefited their twisted agenda, they changed their minds and said that is round." Ahmadinejad said. "How many innocents have been eaten by the sea monsters that roam the edge waters? How many have fallen off the edge of the earth? We may never know; their propaganda machine hides the truth from us all."
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Medvedev Not Happy With Olympic Outcome
After boasting that they would achieve an unheard of 40 medals and walking away with a paltry 15, the Russians are getting a bit testy.
GETTING GRUMPY
After skater Evgeni Plushenko came in second to American Evan Lysacek, Plushenko's people promptly posted on his website that he had won the "Platinum" in Vancouver.
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev was so upset at his country's poor showing in Vancouver that he "asked" for resignations:
Russia is due to host the games at Sochi in 2014 and Medvedev wants people to tow the line:
But Medvedev's threats aren't just for the Russian Olympic trainers; they are for all Olympic competing countries:
GETTING GRUMPY
After skater Evgeni Plushenko came in second to American Evan Lysacek, Plushenko's people promptly posted on his website that he had won the "Platinum" in Vancouver.
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev was so upset at his country's poor showing in Vancouver that he "asked" for resignations:
"Those who bear the responsibility for Olympic preparations should carry that responsibility. It's totally clear," he said. "I think that the individuals responsible, or several of them, who answer for these preparations, should take the courageous decision to hand in their notice. If we don't see such decisiveness, we will help them."
Russia is due to host the games at Sochi in 2014 and Medvedev wants people to tow the line:
"Without messing around, we need to start preparations for Sochi. But taking into account what happened in Vancouver, we need to completely change how we prepare our athletes," Medvedev said.
But Medvedev's threats aren't just for the Russian Olympic trainers; they are for all Olympic competing countries:
"But don't think that we haven't noticed what the other (competing) countries have done," he said. "How dare they find better talent than we, how dare they display this talent to our detriment. Let it be known that if this type of behavior continues during the Sochi games that we, the Russian people, will be left no alternative but to take our proverbial ball and go home."
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